Once Upon a Time…

When you’re truly happy in your life, and loving it, that’s when things get even better–at least in my experience. I’d spent my twenties dating unsuccessfully and lamenting the fact I didn’t have a boyfriend. It became my “schtick.” Most all of my friends were coupled, and making fun of my singleness became my way…

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Floating, Sinking and Bobbing

Today didn’t suck en total. It was my first day back to work with the soiree just a jumble of warm and loving memories. That part feels good, right and fitting. But getting back into what used to be my old schedule feels…meaningless. Ken provided meaning, support and context in my life. I had a…

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Finding a New "Normal"

Today felt like the beginning…of something. With Ken’s Memorial Soiree a jumble of fond memories and feelings, today the remnants of my out-of-state family left to return to their lives in California. There was nothing standing between me and my future. It was a good day overall. Cleaning, laundry and prepping for heading back to…

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Soirée of a Lifetime

Yesterday was the Memorial soirée for Ken–my partner, husband and friend of 10 years. The day and the event can only be described as “perfect.” It went off exactly as it was supposed to and was exactly what I expected, hoped for and needed in order to feel a sense of closure and to gain…

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"Why Not?" Moments Abound (and so do "Other" Kinds)

I have been keeping myself very busy lately. Lots of organizing and straightening up “common” areas. Places I never looked at twice because either I knew Ken would tend lovingly to them, or after he was sick I didn’t have the time or wherewithal to focus on. It’s being in these places that were last…

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A Better Day

Good days should be acknowledged. And today was one of those days. No tears came today–not that that would have been a bad thing. But for the time being appears i’ve reached my quota of saline production. I made the conscious choice to not work on the memorial soiree, though my “to do” lists are…

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The Day

Today is my birthday. I knew it would be difficult–for multiple reasons. Acknowledging–let alone celebrating–my birth when I so recently lost Ken didn’t hold much interest for me. Aside from that, and even more importantly, Ken always made my birthday special–just by being himself. Whether he pulled out all the stops for my 40th birthday…

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Building and Stumbling

I returned to work yesterday. It was a daunting feat, but a necessary one. I’d submerged myself in alone-time last week to ensure I could feel the full gamut of emotions I needed to feel. I gave them their due. I kept busy but allowed myself moments/hours to feel what I felt. But by Sunday…

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Baking Lessons

Yesterday I decided I bake an apple pie. Simple enough, right? But never having done so before I felt like it would be a fun challenge–no matter how it turned out. Worse case scenario I’d just pitch it and learn from my mistakes. (a “what if…?” mindset workaround.) When I went to Jewel to buy…

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Out on a Limb

As a two-time amputee Ken was intimately familiar with the loss of a limb. He often told a story from college when he stood up while not wearing his prosthetic to grab a book off the shelf and forgetting he wasn’t wearing his leg, took a step to walk across the room rather than sit…

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