5 Years of “The Xanax Diary”

It seems like I’ve always had this blog; that it has always been here to engage me and calm me and focus me and distract me. But I haven’t. I’ve always written for those reasons, but it wasn’t until 2010 when I started doing so in this blog. To think about it now, my life is…

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The Club No One Wants to Belong To

I’m lucky in that I only go downtown to work in my company’s office once or twice a week—or sometimes not at all. I’ve worked from home for the better portion of the last ten years. (I can’t really imagine working any other way!) Though I sometimes bluster about going into the office, it is…

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Running for Chocolate

The Hot Chocolate 5k is the biggest race I’ve ever done—by far. I had my doubts about running in November in Chicago. But as Halloween gets packed up and put away and Thanksgiving and Christmas begin to explode everywhere, I thought it would be a fun experience. There is something about winter–and impending winter–that bands…

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Exploring the 606

Living in a city like Chicago leaves a constant opportunity to explore new places and parts of the city–something I don’t do often enough. And something Ken was relentlessly good at reminding me of. He was a curious explorer who showed me the unending surprises ChiTown has to offer. Whenever I try something new or explore a new…

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On Ken's 50th Birthday

I’ve felt the pull of this day for a couple of weeks. Uneasiness and my social impotence returned, leaving me tired and usually in the desire of no one’s company. For someone as far down the path of grief as I consider myself, I’m more than a little surprised when I find an impending Ken-related milestone still…

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A Hoosier Boy’s State of Mind

As my knees buckled, and my body careened to the hard cement at the top of the steps, I could hear the kid next to me saying, “Don’t lock your knees.” How do you stand for hours in the hot sun and not do that? As I lay crumpled on the scorching June concrete, I heard the…

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The Camping Connection

In the quiet moments of the early morning while camping, I relish in the connection I feel with Ken. Usually the first one up, I take great pleasure in the ritual of making coffee and readying the stove for breakfast once the others have emerged from their tents, scattered around two adjacent camp sites. It…

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Pondering on What Comes Next

Friendships can begin in the unlikeliest of places, perhaps as a reminder that good things can happen even in the darkest of circumstances. I’ve written before about meeting author Claire Bidwell Smith before the success of her first book, a memoir of grief about losing both her parents before she was twenty-five. She was Ken‘s and my grief…

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