Dear, Diary…

When I’m in the mood or just when I run across them on the shelf in my bedroom, I love to pull out one of my old diaries and read a few entries. It’s a portal to a different time. A different me. Rich in the most absurd details, I’m taken back to random times…

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The Special of Today

Today is my sister’s birthday. It always has been. As long as I’ve been on earth. It was the first thing I thought of today when I looked at the date on the calendar to medicate my dog Kallie, per our morning ritual. (I sent my sister a card the other day and texted her this…

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5 Years of “The Xanax Diary”

It seems like I’ve always had this blog; that it has always been here to engage me and calm me and focus me and distract me. But I haven’t. I’ve always written for those reasons, but it wasn’t until 2010 when I started doing so in this blog. To think about it now, my life is…

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The Club No One Wants to Belong To

I’m lucky in that I only go downtown to work in my company’s office once or twice a week—or sometimes not at all. I’ve worked from home for the better portion of the last ten years. (I can’t really imagine working any other way!) Though I sometimes bluster about going into the office, it is…

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Running for Chocolate

The Hot Chocolate 5k is the biggest race I’ve ever done—by far. I had my doubts about running in November in Chicago. But as Halloween gets packed up and put away and Thanksgiving and Christmas begin to explode everywhere, I thought it would be a fun experience. There is something about winter–and impending winter–that bands…

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Exploring the 606

Living in a city like Chicago leaves a constant opportunity to explore new places and parts of the city–something I don’t do often enough. And something Ken was relentlessly good at reminding me of. He was a curious explorer who showed me the unending surprises ChiTown has to offer. Whenever I try something new or explore a new…

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On Ken's 50th Birthday

I’ve felt the pull of this day for a couple of weeks. Uneasiness and my social impotence returned, leaving me tired and usually in the desire of no one’s company. For someone as far down the path of grief as I consider myself, I’m more than a little surprised when I find an impending Ken-related milestone still…

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A Hoosier Boy’s State of Mind

As my knees buckled, and my body careened to the hard cement at the top of the steps, I could hear the kid next to me saying, “Don’t lock your knees.” How do you stand for hours in the hot sun and not do that? As I lay crumpled on the scorching June concrete, I heard the…

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