I rarely buy complete albums in this day of iTunes and digital music. But, I’ve been waiting YEARS for an album to be available via iTunes (and incredibly lazy for not just buying the CD that sat on my Amazon wish list since 2002). I got the cassette of “Amplified Heart” when I worked at the now-defunct music chain Coconuts in the mid/late 90’s and fell in love with it from the second i pressed the little indented arrow on the play button. It quickly became the soundtrack of my life. I listened to it constantly. When I was happy, when I was sad, when I was bored, or when I was busy. I still have the cassette. I could never get rid of it. I hadn’t checked iTunes intermittently and when I did so in late 2010 it was there! And based on the comments posted by fellow impatient fans, it had only recently landed on iTunes. I bought it immediately, listened to the album while I synced it to my iPhone.

Though I love all the songs–which is quite rare for me–one song in particular always resonated deeply with me. “We Walk the Same Line” is a song about love or friendship when one can’t go on, the other one picks up the slack because their fates are one. I remember listening to the cassette on my Sony Walkman-knock off while on plane to Miami to see a close friend who had recently endured a lot of hardships. The song acted like a roadmap for me once I saw him. “If you lose your faith, babe, you have mine. And if you’re lost I’m right behind cuz we walk the same line.” Beautiful lyrics–and so meaningful to me. Of course–single at the time–I applied the psychology of the song to all my close friendships. It made happy, knowing if I were lost, I’d be found by Mark or Kathy or Tina or Retta. And likewise, I’d find them were they ever lost.

But as I recently listened to this beloved song when I purchased it digitally, it hit me like a ton of bricks how appropriate it is for my life now as my husband deals with a serious illness and do my best to care for him–physically and emotionally. “When it’s dark, baby, there’s a light I’ll shine. If you’re lost I’m right behind, cause we walk the same line.” The lyrics now have morphed into the soundtrack of my life now…15 years later. And whenever I listen to it, it relaxes me and makes me happy, like it’s telling the story of kenan and me, and a metaphorically detailed events and feelings we’ve both experienced over the last year and half. It sort of slipped on me like a favorite old glove you’d misplaced and finally found. And when you put it on it instantly reminded you of all the adventures you’d had while wearing it–good and bad. It wasn’t just a glove. It was part of you, your history.

My favorite line has coincidently always been “And we can’t run and we can’t cheat, cause babe when we meet what we’re afraid of, we find out what we’re made of.” I knew kenan had the “stuff” to handle his diagnosis because he’d dealt with it before as a child and more than that, it’s just the kind of person he is. And though I really didn’t think I was going to crumble, I had my doubts that I’d be able “shine that light” as brightly as I wanted or it needed. But in living an unreal life as we are, finding out what you’re made of is par for the course and something to be celebrated. I’m happy to say overall I’m good with what I’ve made of. Sometimes I wonder if I have enough faith to give, but I guess that’s only normal. It’s not about quantity. Giving is giving. And usually, even when I think I’ve given it all, more magically appears for me to parse out.

So in honor the impending Valentine’s Day, I’m going to play the song here and post the lyrics below. It’s a beautiful song. My words can’t speak volumes enough about these words. Or how I feel about my beloved, crazy handsome, and just crazy husband. I love you very much. Keep these lyrics in mind. I hope they give a little of the same comfort and reassurance they offer me.

It can’t be left unsaid that many of you reading this walk the same line with us, shining plenty of light and giving faith. We know what you’re made of, and we love you and appreciate it so!